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We Are Cardinals

Cardinal TV - Cardinal Columns - Yearbook

We Are Cardinals

Cardinal TV - Cardinal Columns - Yearbook

We Are Cardinals

Super Bowl Commercial Report Card

Accurate opinion-based grades of this year’s Super Bowl commercials
Via+Dunkin+Donuts+youtube
Via Dunkin Donuts youtube

The Super Bowl is the largest American sporting event and that reputation is marketable. Brands will go all in to buy a commercial slot during the broadcast. It gives the marketing team a chance to put their best foot forward and show themselves off. So with that, let’s look at some commercials from the Super Bowl broadcast.

Released before the Game

I’ll start with this, if the commercial was released or used before the game, that brand misunderstood the assignment. Mountain Dew premiered an ad starring Aubrey Plaza and Nick Offerman before the game. Now those are two recognizable faces but you ruin the aura of the commercial by releasing it before the game. Same with Chris Pratt’s Pringles commercial. I wasn’t captivated by it because I’d seen it already.

A good Super Bowl commercial airs during the game. Not before, during the game. Releasing it early ruins the fun of this commercial event. All commercials that fall under this get a D.

Movies, summarized

Deadpool & Wolverine, Wicked, and Twister all showed off their first bits of footage during the game. Deadpool had a brief ad to tease the just-dropped trailer which I immediately pulled out my phone to watch. Wicked was weird. Watching it I had no idea whether it was a real movie or a convoluted ad for some brand. Twisters looked like classic Hollywood slop that the world has been missing.

Despicable Me 4 had a spot that made fun of AI art which was funny. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes used some new footage for their spot and it was a well-done trailer. Paced to the beat of Apes chanting to their ruler, it was probably the best movie-related commercial. But movie trailers are movie trailers. They all get a B.

Temu

Lastly, before I get into the real meat and potatoes there’s one metaphorical pimple that I have to address. Temu bought multiple commercial slots, all playing the same animated bit. Do not download Temu. Do not use Temu. Do not trust Temu. It gets an F. Alright, now we get to the good stuff.

Michelob Ultra

They got Messi. Messi. That’s the whole commercial, Messi wants Michelob Ultra. That’s all you need really. This one gets an A.

BMW

Everybody wants to do their Christoper Walken impression to Walken. The joke being there’s only one Walken just like there’s only one BMW. This commercial would’ve been very funny if Walken just smacked someone. If you have to deal with people making impressions of you all the time it’d be warranted. This one gets a C for Christopher.

Apartments.com

Jeff Goldblum confronts aliens that are looking for a place to live. The best joke setup is the aliens are deciding between a single or two-bedroom place. One says a two-bedroom for when their mother visits. The other then decides to get the one-bedroom. Good old-fashioned “boomer” jokes about the inlaws. I laughed. I’ll give it a C-.

Homes.com

They had three different commercials all starring Dan Levy. The best part of these commercials was in the very first one where Lil Wayne asks a classroom of elementary kids if they want to see 100K. That was funny. But then they did two more unmemorable commercials. They get a D+.

CeraVe

This was great. Michael Cera was great. They had built up this joke before the commercial aired over the past weeks of Michael Cera creating CeraVe. It was a fun marketing campaign. However, during the build-up, they used influencer Bobbi Altoff for the marketing so I’m only giving it a B- for Bobbi.

Hellman’s mayonnaise

Kate Mckinnon has a cat that’s meow sounds like mayo. Logically this cat becomes a celebrity. Then it brings in Pete Davidson who in the commercial has a relationship with the cat. Funny joke, Davidson is dating everyone so why don’t we have him date the cat? This one gets an F for bestiality.

Bud Light

So a guy opens a Bud Light and out pops the Bud Light Genie. The guy and their friends then go on a wish spree. The rules of this genie aren’t fleshed out. They make more than three wishes so they have more but we don’t know how many. They could’ve said “You get a wish for every bud light you drink,” but they never fleshed out their premise. This gets a D+.

UberEats

UberEats released their ad before the game but I’m still going to talk about it. The premise of the ad is people are forgetting things and a man with a peanut allergy forgets peanut butter contains peanuts, eats some, and has a reaction. A stupid inoffensive joke right? No. People on TikTok took offense because they exploited the life-threatening condition of having a peanut allergy. So they removed that part from the commercial that aired on the broadcast. This one gets an NYA.

Fanduel

Fanduel ran for the second year in a row their kick of destiny. The premise is Rob Gronkowski attempts a regulation NFL field goal and people bet if he would make it or not. He missed. So their commercial later on reflected this result. So they must’ve had two commercials ready, one if he missed or made it. This fact earns them points but they also featured Carl Weathers in and during the build-up to this stunt. Weathers sadly passed away earlier this month and the commercial became dedicated to him. A touching gesture to the star. This gets an A.

Volkswagen

The commercial revolves around a Volkswagen car coming to America in an unspecified black-and-white time. Of course, Volkswagen had well-known ties to the Nazi regime, a fact they seem to want to be forgotten. You can always remember history though. This one gets a D+.

Dunkin Donuts

This is a Super Bowl commercial. It’s a ridiculous situation starring Ben Affleck rapping and appearances from multiple other celebrities. It’s a fun commercial that featured a lot of ads building up to its premiere during the game. A fantastic marketing campaign earns an A+.

Apple Music

Not a commercial necessarily but the sponsor of Usher’s halftime show. Usher put on a great show. The best halftime show I’ve seen in a while. Usher knew what it meant to play during the Super Bowl and it came through in his performance. A fantastic interlude to the game. An A+ to him.

So those were my thoughts on this year’s commercials. It was a great game, a great show, and some good commercials. In the end that’s everything you could ask for and I was thoroughly entertained. So if I may leave you with one thought, it would be, do not download Temu.

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About the Contributor
Michael Bloomberg, Staff Writer
Michael Bloomberg is a senior student at Fond du Lac High School. He has lived in Fond du Lac all his life and is undecided on life after high school. He works part-time at Walmart as a cart pusher and writes for print journalism class. His expertise is in movies and entertainment as well as professional sports.